Maturity in Marriage

Ever think about what the real goal of marriage is?  There are so many times when we struggle in our relationship with our spouse and we work through our personality differences, control issues, and problems.  If you think over your married life, how many different challenges have you had to overcome as a couple?  Some difficulties may be serious like infidelity, pornography, or drug related issues, but there are other problems that are common to all of us… such as: forgiveness, patience, anger toward your mate and so forth.

There is so much effort that goes into making a healthy marriage. We learn to give of ourselves, submit to one another, and pray through difficult seasons.  Sometimes I think that God intended it to be this way. Marriage was never meant to be easy.  Even from the fall in the garden of Eden,  there were serious challenges between men and women. These challenges  prevent  us from having healthy, harmonious relationships. But the GOOD NEWS is that in CHRIST this curse can be overcome through submission to the Holy Spirit. When we submit our will to GOD’S WILL, our relationships on earth get better. God will use all of the challenges we face to MATURE us personally as well as in our walk with God.  He works in our hearts and as WE change… the relationship changes.

I believe the real GOAL in marriage is MATURITY. Through the good times and the bad, God is working something in our lives. He is bringing us to a point of surrender to HIM and a place of unity to that most important person in our life – your mate.  Maturity helps us see beyond ourselves and look outward toward others. Jesus while on earth was never married. We are His bride. You can clearly see the way he GAVE himself continually and unconditionally to His church. His example is a clear picture of the maturity and the love that we are to have for our spouse.

Wherever you are in your relationship today… start fresh. Ask God to help you see your differences as his way of maturing you, and shaping you to become more like Jesus. The goal is maturity in Christ and Unity with our spouse.  The two SHALL become ONE.

Living in Freedom… NOT fear!

When I think of the benefits of serving Christ, I automatically think of a life lived in FREEDOM and not fear. What are the things we fear today?  We fear financial collapse, health problems, the future, for our children, and any other number of problems.  Fear can keep us from moving forward in our life. It makes us focus on OUR ability and not GOD’S ability. It keep our hearts on the defense rather than the offense. Fear creeps into our lives and paralyzes us from moving forward with faith and makes us live in discontent because we don’t have the courage to try new things.

The benefit of serving Christ is a life that is SECURE in His hands. Living for Christ brings such freedom! There is a poem called “IT DEPENDS WHOSE HANDS IT’S IN”

Read the words of this poem and remember that today your life is in God’s hands.

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19
A basketball in Michael Jordan’s hands is
worth about $33 million
It depends whose hands it’s in

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6
A baseball in Mark McGuire’s hands is worth $19 million
It depends whose hands it’s in

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal
A rod in Moses’ hands will part the mighty sea
It depends whose hands it’s in

A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy
A sling shot in David’s hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it’s in

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands
is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God’s
hands will feed thousands It depends whose hands it’s in

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse
Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands will produce
salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it’s in

As you see now it depends whose hands it’s in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears,
your hopes, your dreams, your families and
your relationships in God’s hands because

It depends whose hands it’s in.

Today, remember that your life is in God’s hands.  I choose today to have faith in God for all things and not give in to the attitude of fear that permeates our society. Faith over fear = a great future!

Toxic Religion

Ever wonder what Christ thinks about your church? Your programs? Your set of beliefs? The longer I am a Christian, I realize how much room for error there truly is in regards to true Christianity.  Many of the things we do and perform on a weekly basis, that we call Christian, have no bearing on eternal things.  It is so easy to fall into a religious tradition, rather than have a thriving, real RELATIONSHIP with God.  Christ has called us into a personal relationship with Him. This relationship is not based on what I can do to deserve it, it is simply based on HIS WORK on the cross. This relationship is not based on outward appearance, but on the passion of our heart.

There are so many times I have to STOP all activity and ask myself… where is my heart? Is it truly Christ focused and striving to know Him more, or is it complacent and stained with a stale Christianity.  When I consider TOXIC RELIGION, I can’t help but think of something that is supposed to be pure and holy being slowly poisoned. People who live in TOXIC religion, exist in a system of thought that has nothing to do with faith at all. It’s all about the appearance of holiness and the good works. True relationship with God is based on a heart of humility, a heart of surrender. It is not focused on what others think of Me, but on what God thinks of me.

How can you tell if you are living in Toxic Religion rather than a thriving relationship with God? These are some questions I ask myself when considering this….

1 – Do I care more about what others think of me than what Christ thinks of me?

2 – Do I feel like God talks with me regularly and I am obedient to his leading?

3 – How much importance do I place on doing “good deeds” to make myself feel good about my relationship with God?

Jesus wants a passionate, thriving relationship with us even more than we want it with Him. Stop what you are doing today, say a prayer, and ask Christ to energize, revive, and inspire your relationship with Him to a new level. Trust me, you will not be disappointed!

Losing Control as a Parent

This was a very interesting weekend. I don’t know if you have ever experienced times with your kids when things were completely out of your control.  I have to be honest and say that up until this weekend, I felt like most of the last 19 years of parenting were pretty controlled. Not that we haven’t had difficult times or moments that were scary, but overall things have been pretty smooth.

This weekend when my son presented with abdominal pain that resulted in a critical surgery, I think my perspective on “control” changed. Sitting in the ER and being told that your child needs a surgery, and the person who is going to perform this great feat, you just met 10 minutes ago.  This requires a level of trust in a person I have never met before in my life… that is very scary to me.  I learned that as parents we can’t always have the upper hand in situations that involve their children.   We can ‘t always have our schedule, plans, disciplines, desires, and dreams for our children. This is a sobering thought and it brings us to the realization that they really aren’t just “our children”…. They are God’s.  Until that resolve is tested, you don’t really know how much faith you have in God and His care of your children.  I learned this weekend how much more growing I need to do in the area of TRUST with my heavenly Father. It’s so easy to have faith for ourselves, even for others, but when it comes to our children, we get a protective, defensive attitude… even with God sometimes.  Our children belong to the Lord. Their beginning and ending will be with Him. Even Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to learn surrender. Hannah, the mother of Samuel, had to learn surrender. Abraham, the father of Isaac, had to learn surrender.

No matter what you are facing today in the area of surrendering control of your child, I encourage you to trust God with all of your heart. Whether it is a health condition, a rebellious child, a child on drugs, or any other situation… give control to the Lord. He knows the purpose and plan for your child even better than you.

By the way… my son is doing GREAT now!  We made it through!

 

Toxic RELATIONSHIPS

In our church we have been teaching on a series called TOXIC.  We talked about Toxic thoughts, Toxic Influences, Toxic Words, and today “TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS”.  You can check out all of these blogs here in this past month.

Life is about relationships, but not all relationships are good for us. This is an area of our life that we should always ask God’s advice about. The bible does have a lot to say about relationships, including who we should have as our closest friends.

Proverbs 24:1 tells us “Do not envy wicked men, do not desire their company.”  In other words, don’t look at unbelievers and wish you were them or desire to be like them.  There are people around us who negatively influence our lives simply because they do not know Christ.  Their attitudes, world view, and lack of spiritual insight rubs off on us before we even know it.

There are toxic relationships even within the church or our own families. Have you ever been around someone who was always so negative about life in general that you felt like you could hardly stand to be in their presence?  Or other relationships that are manipulative and controlling? Some people make you do things you really don’t want to do, but you feel pressured to be a certain way simply because they expect that.  The bottom line is, we ARE affected by the people we hang around most often. If I want to stay close to Jesus, if I want to have a positive outlook on life, if I want to be compassionate and kind to others around me, than I need to hang out with people who feel the same way.

1 Corinthians 5:33 says,  “Bad company corrupts good character.”

We should definitely be examining our relationships and seeing if they line up with what is wholesome and healthy for us. Think of these 3 questions when you examine your relationships…

1 – Does this person help me get closer to Jesus or do I feel farther away from God when I am with them?

2 – Can I really be myself around this person or am I pretending to be someone else.

3 – Does this person lead me to do or say things I would not otherwise do if I was not with them.

These 3 simple questions, asked with honesty, will lead you to the truth about the people surrounding your life.  God has such great plans for us and we cannot allow negative influences to eat up our time, energy, or resources. The greatest relationship of all is the one with have with Jesus!

Toxic WORDS

You are so beautiful!  I think the world is a better place because you are in it!  How do those statements make you feel?  Words can either hurt us or help us.

We all have days when we have negative thoughts running through our minds that we just would like to let out.  Not only do we say things that are unpleasant at times, but we hear things that make us feel certain ways about ourselves and our situations.  Words shape our reality.  Has anyone ever said anything to you that really made you angry?  How about upset? How about put down or frustrated?  There is power in WORDS.

Just think about the fact that this entire WORLD was created with words!  Genesis chapter one says that GOD SPOKE and things were created.  Not only that, but Jesus work here on earth finished with powerful words that changed our world forever. While hanging on the cross he said “It is finished”. There is no doubt that there is incredible power in the spoken word.

Proverbs 18:21 says “words have the power of LIFE AND DEATH”.  I have the power to GIVE LIFE to people and my situations or I have the power to TAKE LIFE and bring death to the people around me. Words create a reality that stays with you for a long time even after they are said.

My boys like to go paintballing. They own their own guns and we buy these bullets full of paint and send them out into the woods to have a good ole time.  They love it – they hide in the woods, create all kinds of scenarios and strategies of how they will win against each other.  Its great fun.  Many times they ask me to play and I would really love to!  There is only one problem…. I don’t like getting SHOT!  Those bullets hurt when they hit your skin!  Even though these guys wear padding, full face helmets, and camo gear, when they get hit with a bullet, you can still see the welt on their body for a few days.  Words can be like that, people will just shoot some words your way and the poisonous tip gets into your skin but then the poison starts to seep throughout your soul. Those harmful words can stay with you for such a long time. Proverbs 15:4 says: “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life…but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. “

I wonder what would happen if we could put a video camera into our homes for one week and hear the conversations that go on?  Are we a home that values and affirms the people around us?  Is our house a place where people feel loved and accepted or is it a place where they can be crushed in spirit by the words that we say?

The great news is that we have a choice!  We all need to make a decision to change the way that we speak and to choose to GIVE LIFE with our words rather than TAKE LIFE.  Let’s remember that each day our words create our reality.  No matter what I am facing, whether it’s a bad marriage, a difficult child, an unhealthy work situation, I need to speak life into that situation and to those people.  Your household can be different, your relationships can be different, your marriage can be different, and your work environment can be different.

 

 

 

TOXIC INFLUENCES

Have you ever had a Media BLACKOUT in your home ON PURPOSE?  No internet, no TV, no facebook…. Can you imagine how you and your family would fall apart!! Your teenager would think the WORLD ended!  There are times in our family when we have had a media blackout and we voluntarily choose to spend time reading, playing games, doing outdoor events, rather than consuming media.  This gives us a clear perspective by the end of the week of the kinds of things we are letting influence our life.

Whether we like to admit it or not, our choices in media INFLUENCE our life in great ways.  Anything that influences us… Leads us. What we allow into our home and into our personal lives affects our thought patterns and relationships. As Christians we are to live a life that is pleasing to God. There are things in our culture that are unhealthy and unholy for a Christian to partake in.  The movies, music, and internet sites that we visit should all be seen with this question in mind… “Is this media something that is pleasing to God?”.  Let’s ask God first about the influences we are allowing into our hearts and minds before we consume them.

Let me tell you a few negative affects that Toxic Influences have on us:

1 – Toxic influence will dull your sensitivity to the Spirit of God

2 – Toxic influence will make you spiritually lazy

3 – Toxic influence will damage your world view.

When we allow negative influences in our lives, it erodes our convictions and does not allow us to see the world through the eyes of scripture. Be careful what you are consuming today. Watch carefully what your kids are allowing into their eyes and ears. Everything should be tested before it is allowed into our homes and freely consumed by everyone in our family.

I challenge you today to LIVE ABOVE the influence.  The only thing we want to lead our lives is scripture and the Holy Spirit!

 

What’s on your MIND?

Yesterday at our church we started a new message series called “Toxic”.  The message this past Sunday was about TOXIC THOUGHTS.  It made me think about exactly what was on my mind throughout the day.  I think we have a choice in what we are going to allow our minds to dwell on.  The bible teaches us in Philippians 4:8 that “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, lovely, admirable and so on… to think about these things.  God is encouraging us to dwell, establish your thoughts on those kinds of things. I was reading that scripture the other day and realized the very first thing that Paul tells us to think on is whatever is TRUE.  How many times do we dwell on the lies?  How easy is it to fall into a trap and believe all the things that are false that lead us to fear, insecurity, and doubting God. We will look at our family, our jobs, our situations through the eyes of negativity and it is difficult to experience the joy and contentment that Christ gives when our focus is off.   When we allow our minds to focus on the negative, our actions will follow.

How do we train our minds to think on the things that are TRUE, NOBLE, RIGHT?

1. Focus on God’s sufficiency.  He is ABLE… that should be our motto for anything we are facing. We may not have the answers, but I know He does.
2. Replace the lies with TRUTH. Every time a false thought comes into your mind, replace it with scripture. Memorize, write it down in your home, put it in your computer. The Word of God is the solution for all falsehood.
3. Confess Positively. The bible teaches us also that the Words of our mouth have power.  It is our words that brings us salvation – Romans 10:9&10 tells us that with our mouth we confess Christ and are saved. If confession of faith can save us, then confession of God’s ability to be all sufficient will keep our heart and mind focused on Him.

Ladies, life is too short to focus on lies and negativity. Live today in the power of the Holy Spirit and have the mind of Christ!

Parenting Kids is NOT for the Weak!

So yesterday I left my house at 1pm and had ministry engagements all afternoon until 8pm.  I left my 3 sons and my international student at home with our small dog Trixy.  This is nothing new. My sons are used to their parents gone for some lengths of time and can well care for themselves at this point. Of course this day was very different when I came home and my youngest son “spilled the beans” on what happened that day.  Don’t you love it when the youngest one gives you all the dirt on what’s been going on! Apparently NO ONE cleared the table after lunch so our wonderful dog Trixy, who has an eating disorder … that is … she can’t resist food – she jumps on the table and eats the bucket of butter that was left open. My oldest son notices it when the dog came up into his room and her mouth was wet and smelling of butter. After this, Trixy threw up 3 times in various places in the house…. including our beautiful rug.  The boys used floor LAMINATE cleaner to get rid of it… staining the rug!

Now, I don’t know about you, but after a long day, this was not a positive experience for me!  How many of you can recall stories of CRAZY things your children have done? Dr. James Dobson’s book title “Parenting ISN’T for Cowards” could not be more fitting. Parenting is one of the bravest, selfless, time consuming things you will ever do. Parenting children requires incredible self control, patience, mercy, grace, and most of all love. I think God gives us the task of raising children to show us a glimpse of what he faces each day with us and the constant long suffering he shows us.  The best thing we can do is to parent our children like our heavenly father watches over us. Ask him today for the courage, strength, and ability to be the most effective influence you can be upon your kids. And one more thing…. Make sure you never leave your dog alone with your kids!

Schools BACK! Let the craziness begin!

Ok!  I’m back… I know I have been slacking really bad all summer but to be honest I LOVED this summer. Ladies, it was the most relaxing, fun, and enjoyable summer I have had in a long time.  No pressure, no schedules, no deadlines, just enjoying my family and free time.  This summer our family read through the book of PROVERBS together – one chapter each day. We talked about wisdom, the fear of the Lord, and other themes that are prevalant in that book.  Without all the distractions of school, sports, and activities, parents can really concentrate on spiritual growth in their kids.  Don’t we all wish life could be that way… everyday.  But the reality is, we are back to the books, schedules, sports, and time restraints. How do we survive at that pace but keep our kids and families focused on our faith and relationship with God.

Job 22:21-22

²¹ “Submit to God and be at peace with him;
in this way prosperity will come to you.
²² Accept instruction from his mouth
and lay up his words in your heart.”

How do we teach our kids a submission to God?  First, we must submit our schedules as adults. If a child sees that the things of God are important to his parents, then he will realize that is something he must value also. So many times I see parents in September forsaking Sunday church and spiritual activities on a consistent basis for sports, school activities, and simply for a day off to stay at home.  Occasionally this may be necessary, but when it is done consistently, the message we send to our children can be damaging to their faith. The bible says, “ if we submit to God, prosperity will come to us.”  Submission comes first, then I can expect the blessing. Many times that blessing is seen in other ways than just money…. Its seen in the solid faith we have helped build into our children through years of consistency and submission to God’s authority.

The bible also says to accept instruction from the Lord and keep his words in our hearts. We should always be LEAD BY OUR HEART. The Words of God should be stored up in us and flow out to our children on a daily basis no matter what season we are in.

So today, Keep speaking the Word and Living the Word for your children. Prosperity is promised to you!